omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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