'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
