She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
