Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's intense
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
