Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
