these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
