he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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