im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
