wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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