Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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