i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
