And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
