From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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