Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
