Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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