1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
