The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
