Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
