I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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