I wish I could teleport
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
