Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
