he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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