are you so shy because you have an std?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
