well most of my day revolves around power hour
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
