Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
