If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
