Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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