I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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