Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
