I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
