Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
