WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
