I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
