today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
