So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
