I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
