I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
