I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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