yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
