I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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