I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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