I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i think i just lost a toe
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
