my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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