dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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