So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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