Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize