so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
