It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Small penises have feelings too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
