Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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