and next time when you feel me up, do it right
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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