Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
