oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
