It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
