He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
