Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
