i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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