Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
