I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
