my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
