Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize