he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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