Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
