my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
