i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
