Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
