Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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