You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
