I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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