So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
