do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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