she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
