Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
