I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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