You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
