i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Randomize
