I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
