The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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