My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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