my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
