I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
