Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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