I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
