Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
