are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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