Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
