Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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