What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
