True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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