its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
