i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
