It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
