playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
