you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can I color on your dick again?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
