After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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