my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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