I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
