he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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