It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
